Arranged marriage and Divorce rate in India
You might have heard this "India has lowest divorce rate" a lot, a lot. In India, marriage is thought to be for life, and the divorce rate is extremely low.
Does that mean that Indian marriages are successful? The honest answer is no, nada, nicht.
Marriage shall be a success, only if the parties involved are happy, shouldnt be based on societal pressure, family pressure.
Parties should be couple, and the byproduct of their relationship the kids, there is no point in calling it as a success if any of these isnt happy.
Indian arranged marriages - marriage between 1000 social entities instead of two souls.
In-laws doesnt need to love the couple, friends doesnt need to love the couple, the society doesnt need to love the couple, the church doesnt need to love the couple to call it a success, the couple need to love each other.
In west,
Divorce rate is inversely proportional to marriage success rate.
Higher divorce rate maybe a bad thing, but you have only one life and you cant sacrifice your happiness and life you deserve to something in black and white.
In east,
Divorce rate is inversely proportional to women suppression.
Higher divorce rate is actually a thing to be welcomed in India because it translates to more freedom and more liberation - more empowerment for women.
Indian Arranged marriage:
Marriage is the debt every kid owes to their Indian parents and procreation is compound interest for the debt they owe to parents.
Marriage is not a choice and partner isnt a choice either.
Many people do the mistake of linking arranged marriage to dating in the west. No, dating and arranged marriage arent same.
Parents dont allow the couple to date unless they are engaged and their marriage date is fixed. That is not courtship or dating, that is visiting your future spouse in front of vigilante. And there is no option of calling it off by the couple, only parents hold the rights, could be pennyshort in dowry or wrong color chosen for the father-in-law or missing pearl in mother-in-law's gift.
Dating: You date a person and you marry that person.
You create your profile, you choose your partner or prospect based on height, weight, compatibility, interests and hobbies and your choose based on what you need and what would make you happy.
You date for a while and if it works out, you declare yourself as a couple after a while in papers and go on and if it turns sour you try to work it out, and if it fails, you separate in a very civilised manner.
Arranged marriage: A family rates you and you are married to that family.
Your parents create your profile or type your biodata and circulate the same, and partner is chosen based on caste, religion, horoscope, family background, profession of parents and assests parents own.
And agreeable terms right from dowry, who gets what after parent's demise, and what is expected from the bride, some cultures shall conduct the bride interview and rate her based on the way she walks, sing, and dance, and play instrument and hair texture, skin tone and all such. The bridegroom maynt have a say in that.
It is pathetic and humiliating and especially to the to-be-bride.
And non-virgin brides and divorcees and widows are total outcasts, they cant even have traditional wedding, forget that they shall not be allowed to attend any traditional wedding. But this isnt applicable to the men - widowers or divorced men or even diseased men - herpes infected men arent quarantined.
True story :
Mine is a love marriage yet my father-in-law asked my parents to plan for wedding in the month of June, because he wanted our kids to be born around school year so that no intermediate month is wasted. Did I blew you away?
For a while he used to dictate via phone the menu for the whole week I need to cook. And around thursday he would send me mail with plans and schedule for me to follow for the following weekend. No, I wasnt born in 40s, 50s, 60s or 70s.
Let me stop here, or else my kids may never even get a date for being born to Indian parents. No, I dont have stash in my basement or menu box instead of recipe box for my future daughters-in-law :)
Taboo with divorce :
I would like to sugarcoat and say the parties stay together because they have high moral standards or they are committed or they stay together for the kids. But I would be lying. Based on several incidents I had seen and had to endure, I can honestly say that is the mask used to inject and infect with guilt.
Divorce could be due to anything, yet it would normally be seen as failure on the parent part (ie in-laws), so no parent would encourage that, instead they would want their kids to endure the pain and suffering. They would force them to stay together. And many couple stay together and dont break their marriage instead their spew their hatred and frustration on their kids and gossip and hate people.
First, divorcees are looked down upon, grass widows are spewed with more hatred than widows. Any widow (grass widow or widow) trying to get on with life and looking for another partner is seen and labelled as a amorist.
Sorry for the blunt usuage of words but that is the raw truth.
And all the more, kids of divorced parents become unsellable in marriage trade too. Not just kids, even the siblings.
So, just like the pressure from all sides to marry the chosen partner, the same forces shall put same pressure on the then married couple to stay together even if they cant stand each other.
Men in arranged marriage:
Men arent given complete free ticket either. Divorced men, widower may have little trouble settling for a woman without a compromise.
Indian Men - the chief commodity in the marriage trade. One other reason why Indian men dont go for creative jobs and they arent allowed to pursue what interests them. They become unsellable in the trade.
A musician or an athlete maynt be allowed to pursue his career in those fields, because in case he doesnt become a cricket player - the only successful profession for athletes in India, or a movie music composer, there is no future and the parents maynt be able to find a partner for them.
And even scientists, no scope for them, finding prospects for them is a huge deal. An ISRO scientist looses his in auction with doctors and engineers.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
1. Non-divorced Indian marriages arent happily ever after.
2. Divorce is not failure of marriage same way non-divorce isnt success either.
Marrying a log handpicked by parents and to feel proud your manhood by axeing the log? Tying a knot on the punchbag and claiming your adulthood by punching that often?
Marrying a virgin muted cindrella babymaker who cant spell isnt a challenge and that isnt life.
Letting your parents pick your partner? Do you think with your ...?
Your silver, golden, diamond jubilee is a thing of shame. Celebrating your victory as wifebeater and childabuser? Instead of being disgusted, how do you celebrate the suppression and abuse?
------------------
Marrying a woman who can think,
who believes in herself,
who enjoys your companionship,
who can earn her own bread,
is the real challenge and a thing to be proud about. Having life and babies with her completes life.
Sharing and caring responsibility is the attractive thing in a man.
She might have seen many men, yet she chose you and decided to spend her life with you, because you are worth it.
Your silver, golden, diamond jubilee is worth celebrating and deserves a medal for being a good husband, or good father.
Does that mean that Indian marriages are successful? The honest answer is no, nada, nicht.
Marriage shall be a success, only if the parties involved are happy, shouldnt be based on societal pressure, family pressure.
Parties should be couple, and the byproduct of their relationship the kids, there is no point in calling it as a success if any of these isnt happy.
Indian arranged marriages - marriage between 1000 social entities instead of two souls.
In-laws doesnt need to love the couple, friends doesnt need to love the couple, the society doesnt need to love the couple, the church doesnt need to love the couple to call it a success, the couple need to love each other.
In west,
Divorce rate is inversely proportional to marriage success rate.
Higher divorce rate maybe a bad thing, but you have only one life and you cant sacrifice your happiness and life you deserve to something in black and white.
In east,
Divorce rate is inversely proportional to women suppression.
Higher divorce rate is actually a thing to be welcomed in India because it translates to more freedom and more liberation - more empowerment for women.
Indian Arranged marriage:
Marriage is the debt every kid owes to their Indian parents and procreation is compound interest for the debt they owe to parents.
Marriage is not a choice and partner isnt a choice either.
Many people do the mistake of linking arranged marriage to dating in the west. No, dating and arranged marriage arent same.
Parents dont allow the couple to date unless they are engaged and their marriage date is fixed. That is not courtship or dating, that is visiting your future spouse in front of vigilante. And there is no option of calling it off by the couple, only parents hold the rights, could be pennyshort in dowry or wrong color chosen for the father-in-law or missing pearl in mother-in-law's gift.
Dating: You date a person and you marry that person.
You create your profile, you choose your partner or prospect based on height, weight, compatibility, interests and hobbies and your choose based on what you need and what would make you happy.
You date for a while and if it works out, you declare yourself as a couple after a while in papers and go on and if it turns sour you try to work it out, and if it fails, you separate in a very civilised manner.
Arranged marriage: A family rates you and you are married to that family.
Your parents create your profile or type your biodata and circulate the same, and partner is chosen based on caste, religion, horoscope, family background, profession of parents and assests parents own.
And agreeable terms right from dowry, who gets what after parent's demise, and what is expected from the bride, some cultures shall conduct the bride interview and rate her based on the way she walks, sing, and dance, and play instrument and hair texture, skin tone and all such. The bridegroom maynt have a say in that.
It is pathetic and humiliating and especially to the to-be-bride.
And non-virgin brides and divorcees and widows are total outcasts, they cant even have traditional wedding, forget that they shall not be allowed to attend any traditional wedding. But this isnt applicable to the men - widowers or divorced men or even diseased men - herpes infected men arent quarantined.
True story :
Mine is a love marriage yet my father-in-law asked my parents to plan for wedding in the month of June, because he wanted our kids to be born around school year so that no intermediate month is wasted. Did I blew you away?
For a while he used to dictate via phone the menu for the whole week I need to cook. And around thursday he would send me mail with plans and schedule for me to follow for the following weekend. No, I wasnt born in 40s, 50s, 60s or 70s.
Let me stop here, or else my kids may never even get a date for being born to Indian parents. No, I dont have stash in my basement or menu box instead of recipe box for my future daughters-in-law :)
Taboo with divorce :
I would like to sugarcoat and say the parties stay together because they have high moral standards or they are committed or they stay together for the kids. But I would be lying. Based on several incidents I had seen and had to endure, I can honestly say that is the mask used to inject and infect with guilt.
Divorce could be due to anything, yet it would normally be seen as failure on the parent part (ie in-laws), so no parent would encourage that, instead they would want their kids to endure the pain and suffering. They would force them to stay together. And many couple stay together and dont break their marriage instead their spew their hatred and frustration on their kids and gossip and hate people.
First, divorcees are looked down upon, grass widows are spewed with more hatred than widows. Any widow (grass widow or widow) trying to get on with life and looking for another partner is seen and labelled as a amorist.
Sorry for the blunt usuage of words but that is the raw truth.
And all the more, kids of divorced parents become unsellable in marriage trade too. Not just kids, even the siblings.
So, just like the pressure from all sides to marry the chosen partner, the same forces shall put same pressure on the then married couple to stay together even if they cant stand each other.
Men in arranged marriage:
Men arent given complete free ticket either. Divorced men, widower may have little trouble settling for a woman without a compromise.
Indian Men - the chief commodity in the marriage trade. One other reason why Indian men dont go for creative jobs and they arent allowed to pursue what interests them. They become unsellable in the trade.
A musician or an athlete maynt be allowed to pursue his career in those fields, because in case he doesnt become a cricket player - the only successful profession for athletes in India, or a movie music composer, there is no future and the parents maynt be able to find a partner for them.
And even scientists, no scope for them, finding prospects for them is a huge deal. An ISRO scientist looses his in auction with doctors and engineers.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
1. Non-divorced Indian marriages arent happily ever after.
2. Divorce is not failure of marriage same way non-divorce isnt success either.
Marrying a log handpicked by parents and to feel proud your manhood by axeing the log? Tying a knot on the punchbag and claiming your adulthood by punching that often?
Marrying a virgin muted cindrella babymaker who cant spell isnt a challenge and that isnt life.
Letting your parents pick your partner? Do you think with your ...?
Your silver, golden, diamond jubilee is a thing of shame. Celebrating your victory as wifebeater and childabuser? Instead of being disgusted, how do you celebrate the suppression and abuse?
------------------
Marrying a woman who can think,
who believes in herself,
who enjoys your companionship,
who can earn her own bread,
is the real challenge and a thing to be proud about. Having life and babies with her completes life.
Sharing and caring responsibility is the attractive thing in a man.
She might have seen many men, yet she chose you and decided to spend her life with you, because you are worth it.
Your silver, golden, diamond jubilee is worth celebrating and deserves a medal for being a good husband, or good father.
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